"Detachment is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you." ~ Ali bin Abi Talib
She'd been sucked in.
Reeled. In. Hook. Line. And. Sinker.
Feeling the pain (once more) of taking on a family member's drama.
Recognize the signs.
Chronic drama, gossip, blame or complaining. Not taking any responsibility. Shifting the blame elsewhere. Judging others. Revealing personal information about others. Criticism to tear down others. Speaking on behalf of others without consent. Lack of respect.
Don't lose yourself in the intrigue or desire to belong. Stand your ground. Being willing to respectfully disagree or walk away. Stay awake. Choose what energy you want to put into the world through your thoughts, words, and actions.
Don't take it personally.
Know what the other person says (about you or anything else) reflects more about them (than you), giving you information about what they're thinking and feeling (where they're coming from). Don't assume what they say is automatically true! Run everything through your (own) truth filter.
Don't be fooled.
You may be left feeling responsible for something that is not yours. Drama lovers and chronic blamers can be very persuasive. Unwind the wool they've wrap round your eyes and step into your truth.
Expecting life long blamers and drama lovers to be different can cause heartache, over and over. You decide if you want to go there. Along for the ride.
Practice loving detachment.
You can love the person yet dislike the behaviour. You can love the person yet it doesn't make their actions ok. It's called loving detachment. Send them love without condoning their words and actions.
Vulnerable to people pleasing?
Enabling a blamer or drama lover does no-one anyone favours. Allow people to make their own choices and experience any consequences.
Find a mantra that works for you and play it like a broken record in your head. "Not my monkeys. Not my circus," works wonders for me.
Too late? Buttons already pushed?
Be gentle with yourself. We're here to experience being human.
Feeling energetic hooked in?
Breathe. Pause. Create space. Become aware. Come back into now. Bring yourself into your body (and out of flight, flight or freeze). Disconnect from the energy which caused your buttons to react. It is a choice to not engage.
Need extra support?
I'm a big fan of flower essences. Knowing the Bach Flower Remedies best, I recommend Walnut for protection from outside influences. Check out health foods stores where you can pick up a 30 ml (1 oz.) bottle for about $15 (Cdn). Take two drops (you can put them under your tongue, mix in your beverage, or place on your pulse points), four times a day (most importantly upon rising and at bedtime, coincide the other doses with meal times if you need a reminder).
If you're sensitive and absorb like an energetic sponge or find everything sticks to you like velcro, you may wish to call in duck animal medicine. An animal medicine is a strength or characteristic an animal possesses which you can call in when needed. Duck takes special care to preen its feathers with natural oil, creating a protective barrier against water.
Imagine everything rolls off your back, like water off a duck.
Love and freedom,